This poor blog, once created as a way to connect with the outside world, and basically neglected for the last few years.
It’s been over year since I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. 4 months of getting worse while I was participating in a drug trial (and by all indications on the placebo), and 9 months of trial and error with supplements, medication, exercises, and foods trying to find a place where I can be both happy and healthy.
I seem to have found a good place (but what works today could stop working tomorrow), and I have started being able to design again. And I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to feel even remotely like myself.
I’ve learned a lot in the 9 months though, and learned what boundaries my new normal has set for me. I won’t be releasing a pattern every month like I did when I started doing this full time. I can still teach or go to events, but I need a week afterward of doing absolutely nothing to recover. And I’ve learned the importance of writing things down. I simply can’t trust my brain from moment to moment to remember what I need it to remember. If I don’t write it down, I won’t remember it when I need it (My Bullet Journal and how I use it will be a topic in a future post). I’ve started to look at resting and down time as a necessary part of my day-to-day. And I need to take time for myself.
Self-care has taken many forms for me. I do a sun salutation every morning (daily yoga and stretching help with the pain and muscle weakness), I eat less but more frequently (I found that I get sick and exhausted after eating when I only eat 2 or 3 times a day), and I can’t afford to block out or ignore what my body is telling me anymore. When my body tells me I’m tired, I need to take a nap. When my sleep has been less than restful, I need to plan an easy day.
All of this has led me to learn to slow down. I still want to do ALL THE THINGS, but I’ve learned what I can do, what I can’t do, and what I need to do RIGHT NOW. And it’s a much slower pace of life than I’m used to. But it seems that in slowing down, I’ve also started to see a lot of things I didn’t see before. I stop at regular intervals to pet my cats, instead of waiting until they demand my attention. I have found the pleasure in washing my face instead of just feeling like it was something that had to be done in order to get on with the day. And being home so much has helped me realize ways that I can shape my space to make me feel the most comfortable and at ease. You see different things when you walk a trail than when you ride a train past it.
I feel the turmoil in my brain slowing, and it’s really nice. I’m hoping that the lack of brain-on-a-hamster-wheel will help me to bring back this whole blogging thing. Taking the time to plan and type a blog post might even prove therapeutic. Another thing that I can do to occupy my mind while resting my body.
Hopefully more from me will be forthcoming 🙂
M